I'm giving you a snippet from a book I haven't 'decided' on whether to self-publish or throw in the pile of 'nice ideas but public not ready for..."
~~~
“This is the oldest of the camps. We have existed this way for a long time. Follow the rules and your time here will be boring but without incident. Break the rules and you are playing with your life.” The sharp edge of his voice made them all pay attention.
“How long will we be here for?” Dolce asked when nobody spoke for a few minutes.
Both of Gregs' eyes settled on her and for a moment she found it difficult to breathe and that feeling in her stomach flared into life – the one that screamed for her to run – before she fought it back down.
“Until the day you die,” he said flatly before turning and walking to the door.
~~~
The Changelings: Camp One
Picture the United States, circa 20-teens.
Only it's not the United States we know. Or is it?
Every year, teenagers from the ages of 14-16 get tested for a classified, illegal hormone nobody knows anything about, except for the military. Tested as positive for XJ-99Q, Dolce, Courtland, and their friend Mieran are removed from society and thrown into a camp in the middle of the desert. With electrified fencing and face-to-face duels to the death, they don't imagine it could be worse. Until they find out what the hormone actually does; turns them into something else entirely. Faced with annihilation, Dolce and Courtland join up with the three strongest males in camp. While Mieran joins with their enemy.
When the camp is destroyed, five of them escape, tasting freedom. But when they relax their guard, the military finds them. Captured, escaped, and captured again, no matter which way they move, the military is two steps ahead of them.
Against all odds, they find a family of humans they trust and wish to stay with. Only, this time, they may have not just doomed themselves, but every human in their vicinity to the fate of Camp One.

The entire snippet is good, but your physical reaction in the 2nd to last paragraph is even better. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jess :D
DeleteI like it, and I really like the premise! I wonder what they are, and you did a great job of making me care about the humans (since I'm one :-) who take them in.
ReplyDeleteThis jumped out at me: "Both of Gregs eyes settled on her..." I don't think you need "both of" unless he's not human and his eyes work independently of each other. And Gregs is possessive. It needs a '. "Greg's". :-)
Good 8! :-) I say write it! Don't relegate it to your idea pile. :-)
Thanks, Teresa :)
DeleteThat's always the difficulty of 8 sentences LOL You miss everything that goes before it. A few paragraphs earlier it mentions that Gregs eyes work independently from one another. And I did miss the possesive, so I will change that to Gregs' eyes, since his name is Captain Gregs :)
Thanks so much for your input!
This seemed like a very promising idea so I hope you decide to write more of it! I did agree with Teresa's point re the eyes...but a cool snippet!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Veronica :D
DeleteI'm interested in the premise😀
ReplyDelete